Waves

Grief comes in waves. 

Good days and bad days. 

I felt like I had a pretty good week or two. 

But this weekend just brought a whole new wave of grief. 

There was a lot going on, outside of the baby stuff, that was causing me stress. 

 Family drama, and sick whiny kids, etc. 

I just got overwhelmed and there were reminders everywhere of what I had lost. 

Pictures that were supposed to be taken, approaching (cancelled) ultrasounds that would tell us the gender, one month from the surgery, and starting my first real period since my surgery.

All very painful and real reminders of what we lost. 

I felt like I cried most of the weekend. 

I was kinda a wreck. 

I was however grateful for a friend that dragged me out for girls night that actually really did clear my mind. 

I went and got a massage on Saturday. 

I've been to this guy several times and he's always just done a regular ole' massage. 

But on Saturday, about halfway through, he asked if I'd ever had any 'energy work' done. 

I said no and asked him to explain. 

He used special hot stones to help balance out feelings and energy. 

He just said that he could feel a lot of negative energy from me and that I could use this. 

He said he could tell I was having a hard time with something. 

He had no idea what had been going on, as I don't openly share things like this to a man I hardly know. 

The fact that he did this showed me how hard and upsetting the weekend had been.

He was very sweet and said kind words, as I fought back tears, even though I still didn't tell him anything. 

He told me not to hold onto things and that everything would be ok.
This man, who I hardly know, had such an effect on me.
He was intuitive enough to know how much I was suffering, and even though not all his kind words fit my situation perfectly, a lot of them did. I was grateful for them.

When I left, I just sat in the car and cried.
I was grateful for that little bit of alone time. 

Grief comes in waves. 

Good days and bad days. 

I fought a big wave of grief this weekend. 

Hopefully this week will be better.